It’s Tough.
It’s the part of management no one wants to talk about, let alone deal with. For many reasons, managers struggle when it comes to having the tough conversations with their team.
Now, unless you’re Logan Roy*, you probably don’t enjoy having to take your employees to task. However, not doing so can cost you time, resources, money and potentially, the respect and trust of your employees. The good news is that there are not only ways to prevent most of the tough conversations from having to be had, there are also ways to prepare yourself for the ones that can’t be avoided.
Trust the Process
Most issues that managers have to deal with are process-oriented issues, ie. issues that are directly related to a rule or value that can be resolved as long as a clear process in place. Attendance, arriving to work on time, leave requests and the like, are all areas that can (and should) be clearly defined. When you have a process in place, it makes for a much easier conversation, where you can focus on the policy at hand and how the employee hasn’t been adhering to it.
However, having policies in place is only the first step. As managers, we must also make sure that the policies are understood. No one wants to read a rule book, and corporate handbooks, while extremely important, aren’t normally opened unless someone needs something specific. So, having a one-pager that highlights your team’s/company’s policies is a good way of making sure everyone is clear about what is expected. It’s also important to bring up and discuss these policies in a team setting, to allow a space for questions and for you to clearly define what these policies mean to you.
If clarity and understanding have been achieved on the policies, it makes for a pretty cut and dry conversation when someone isn’t following them. Having policies in places also makes it easier to give more informal feedback and reminders to employees, which should be enough for most people to check themselves.
The process issues will remove a lot of unnecessary “tough conversations”, however there will be other discussions that can’t be fixed by pointing out a process. These conversations are more difficult, but are a necessary part of being a manager, and if done correctly, can be one of the strongest and most effective tools in your belt.
So, how can you ensure you’re ready for the convo?
Preparation is one of the most important parts of giving feedback. The following steps are ways to make sure you’re ready for the conversation.
Know your Timeline: There is a beginning point that led you to this conversation, so it’s important to know the timeline. Everyone situation is different, but a few questions to consider are:
What alerted you to the situation? How has it progressed over time? Have any steps been made to remedy this situation to date? Have any formal complaints been made?Have Concrete Evidence. If there is proof of the situation, make sure you have it readily available to support your discussion. and please make sure you’re never relying on gossip or rumor. First-hand knowledge is key, or you risk damaging more than the conversation at hand.
Remove Your Emotion. While these discussions can be uncomfortable and nerve-wracking, a manager should always keep their emotions out of it. This isn’t a personal attack, rather a conversation regarding certain facts. So stick to them! Try to avoid using words like “I feel…” or “I was effected by”, because this meeting isn’t about you. It’s about addressing an issue and moving forward, one way or another.
Prepare for Theirs. If you think you’re nervous, consider how your employee may be feeling. While it’s important to keep your emotion out of the conversation, it’s just as important to realise that the conversation may be hard on your employee. Be mentally prepared for tears or anger, and don’t be afraid to stop the meeting and reconvene at a later time if things take a turn. Nothing productive ever comes when emotions are running high.
State Your Case Then Give them Space. No one wants their mistakes to be dragged out and harped on. Make a list of the key points that you need to discuss and stick to them as closely as possible. Then, let your employee steer the conversation. Perhaps they want a chance to explain. Maybe they already knew this was coming and have been mentally beating themselves up and are ready to apologize. Maybe they’ll go into denial mode. Whatever happens after you state your case can dictate how things will go forward and may tell you a lot about your employee in the process.
Record Yourself. Do you know how you come across to others? No matter how high your EQ, nothing will help you understand how you communicate more than seeing it. Record yourself preparing to have this conversation and watch it back. Notice your body language. See if you have any nervous ticks that you weren’t aware of. What are your facial expressions saying? Your body language? Do they line up? Also pay attention to the specific words that you’re using and how they come off. You will be setting the tone for this conversation, so it’s important that you know and are in charge of what you’re putting out there.
Move it along. You’ve had the conversation, great. But the most important part is still ahead of you. Having a defined and scheduled plan on how to move forward is key for progress and change. Clearly lay out the steps and schedule check-in points. If it’s a process issue, then perhaps it’s specific training that you need to make available for your employee, and then schedule it in. Or it could be giving the individual time to look through and understand the work/processes that need to be done, and scheduling a meeting for your employee to brief it back to you. If it’s a “people” issue, then schedule a follow-up for a few weeks after the initial meeting to check in and see how things are progressing.
Ask and Thank. Before the conversation concludes, be sure to ask the individual how they’re doing, or if they have anything additional to add. Tough conversations, if done well, can be an incredible tool for strengthening relationships- so use the momentum! Hopefully the conversation has gone smoothly and this prompt could provide a space for the individual to share things that they may have not been comfortable enough to do so before. If tensions are high, showing empathy and care may help to shift the tone and allow you to leave on a better note. Either way, showing respect and empathy is always a good idea. And lastly, please make sure you thank them for their time- regardless of how the conversation has gone.
Tough Conversations are just that- tough. But they don’t always have to be. The positive results of a tough conversation can catapult your relationship forward with your employees by showing that you hold everyone accountable, but you have also created a space for open dialogue and understanding. You rarely hear about “yes-men” being mentors for successful individuals. It’s the managers, leaders, teachers and coaches who pushed those individuals to be better, called them out on their weaknesses/faults and have shown up and championed them in the successes and the failures that are remembered.
*Reference to HBO’s Succession. Horrible culture, but fantastic show.